Archive for October 20th, 2011

October 20, 2011

Unexpected

“Do you believe that things work out, Jamie? That god, or the universe, or karma, or whatever, lines the right people up in the right place and at the right time…that you are where you are, right now, for a reason?”

That was the question asked of me on Monday morning, when I answered Susan’s phone call 10 minutes after the previous call had ended.

A little confused, I responded with something like, “Yes, I do believe that. I believe things work out for the best, or at least, we can choose to respond with a good attitude regardless of how things may work out. I don’t know if any thing is actually in control of it, but the idea of Karmic balance is something I find obvious. Why do you ask?”

“I’ve found her, Jamie.”

“Hrmph…hmmm..huh? It’s been 10 minutes.”

“I know, sometimes it’s just that quick. This is the exception, not the rule. The timing was right I guess.”

“…………………..”

“Your next assignment is to figure out what you want to do next.”

“………………….”

“We can contact her for you, you can send her a letter, or call her yourself. I believe I have a working cell phone.”

“…..a working cell phone? Wow.”

Monday and Tuesday were….different than I expected they would be. Totally unexpected, actually.

After numerous emails back and forth with Susan, who I adore, pertaining to what I might decide to do…I was at a loss. This is crazy! How did this happen so fast, after thinking about it for so long?

I sent out messages to a couple of women who have gone through the same thing, and each had different advice but basically, it sounded like whatever I chose to do…was a crapshoot. There was no “right way” to approach the situation.

A couple of gals told me to just sit on it for awhile…but I just don’t feel like that is what I need to do. The reason I wanted so badly to find my birth mother, is because I didn’t want to wait too long and to regret the possibility of never finding her. When I think about how quickly she was found after Search Quest America took over the project, I just feel like the timing is what it is, for a reason…and that I shouldn’t fight it.

So…now what.  No..really…now what?!

Just kidding. Although if someone else could tell me what the right thing to do is, the path that would lead to everything working out perfectly for everyone, that would be great. 🙂

Susan gave me some really amazing ideas, but all-in-all, she told me to go with what my heart was telling me to do. I could (and believe me…I usually would) insanely over-analyze every single option, the possible consequences of all of those options and then, (my favorite) “what-if” every single option until I’ve done nothing but wrap my stomach in knots and decide to do nothing at all, because it’s just too difficult. Whew. I digress…plus, bad idea all around.

My heart was telling me to just be myself. I decided that I would contact her. My next step was to ask Susan for her information.

Moments after my email went out, I had a reply. Susan wrote, “Remember this moment.”  Believe me, I will! Before my eyes, there was full contact information. Whoa.

Of course, the crazy-person in me immediately checked her Facebook profile…which led me to a completely private profile and a profile picture of…her dog. Haha! Serves me right…like it would really be that easy!

“Add Friend.” Wow. Of course I didn’t, but the idea that this woman’s life was ONE click away, after 7 years of wondering…brought me to tears.

Susan asked me what I was going to do. I didn’t know.  How do you make that decision?

All sorts of new questions entered my mind. How could I make contact in a confidential way, in case no one knows about me, but that is sincere and honest?

Be yourself, Jamie.  How do I communicate best? How do I best express myself?

Writing, obviously. I’m a mess when it comes to actually talking about something. Voicemails…even worse. I was so glad when message systems came out with the, “delete and re-record your message” option. Changed my life. I don’t just function well verbally when I’m put on the spot in my personal life. Professionally, I’m great…when things go crazy at work, or I have to make a quick decision, I’m always right there with an answer and just the right information. Again, I digress.

So now, I know what I am going to write. I know how I will present it. I know the media that I will use to send the information.

The idea of actually putting pen on paper, or even picking up the pen for that matter, is a different story.

The fears are paper tigers…but damn, paper cuts can really hurt, you know?!

As soon as I figure out how to pick my pen up, I’ll show you what I write, and how I’m sending it. Right now, looking down at my desk, where that pen currently sits…I’m pretty sure it might bite my finger if I reach for it. I’m going to leave it be, for now.

My goal is Monday. Keep checking back. Until then…thank you so much to Search Quest America, (who you can find, here) and to Susan, who has completely guided me through the (insanely quick) process. I wish I had known about you sooner!

If you’re catching up, you can find my whole adoption story leading up to this post, here.

Have an amazing Thursday, and remember…you never know what the next breath you take may bring you.

Enjoy the journey.

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