Unexpected

“Do you believe that things work out, Jamie? That god, or the universe, or karma, or whatever, lines the right people up in the right place and at the right time…that you are where you are, right now, for a reason?”

That was the question asked of me on Monday morning, when I answered Susan’s phone call 10 minutes after the previous call had ended.

A little confused, I responded with something like, “Yes, I do believe that. I believe things work out for the best, or at least, we can choose to respond with a good attitude regardless of how things may work out. I don’t know if any thing is actually in control of it, but the idea of Karmic balance is something I find obvious. Why do you ask?”

“I’ve found her, Jamie.”

“Hrmph…hmmm..huh? It’s been 10 minutes.”

“I know, sometimes it’s just that quick. This is the exception, not the rule. The timing was right I guess.”

“…………………..”

“Your next assignment is to figure out what you want to do next.”

“………………….”

“We can contact her for you, you can send her a letter, or call her yourself. I believe I have a working cell phone.”

“…..a working cell phone? Wow.”

Monday and Tuesday were….different than I expected they would be. Totally unexpected, actually.

After numerous emails back and forth with Susan, who I adore, pertaining to what I might decide to do…I was at a loss. This is crazy! How did this happen so fast, after thinking about it for so long?

I sent out messages to a couple of women who have gone through the same thing, and each had different advice but basically, it sounded like whatever I chose to do…was a crapshoot. There was no “right way” to approach the situation.

A couple of gals told me to just sit on it for awhile…but I just don’t feel like that is what I need to do. The reason I wanted so badly to find my birth mother, is because I didn’t want to wait too long and to regret the possibility of never finding her. When I think about how quickly she was found after Search Quest America took over the project, I just feel like the timing is what it is, for a reason…and that I shouldn’t fight it.

So…now what.  No..really…now what?!

Just kidding. Although if someone else could tell me what the right thing to do is, the path that would lead to everything working out perfectly for everyone, that would be great. 🙂

Susan gave me some really amazing ideas, but all-in-all, she told me to go with what my heart was telling me to do. I could (and believe me…I usually would) insanely over-analyze every single option, the possible consequences of all of those options and then, (my favorite) “what-if” every single option until I’ve done nothing but wrap my stomach in knots and decide to do nothing at all, because it’s just too difficult. Whew. I digress…plus, bad idea all around.

My heart was telling me to just be myself. I decided that I would contact her. My next step was to ask Susan for her information.

Moments after my email went out, I had a reply. Susan wrote, “Remember this moment.”  Believe me, I will! Before my eyes, there was full contact information. Whoa.

Of course, the crazy-person in me immediately checked her Facebook profile…which led me to a completely private profile and a profile picture of…her dog. Haha! Serves me right…like it would really be that easy!

“Add Friend.” Wow. Of course I didn’t, but the idea that this woman’s life was ONE click away, after 7 years of wondering…brought me to tears.

Susan asked me what I was going to do. I didn’t know.  How do you make that decision?

All sorts of new questions entered my mind. How could I make contact in a confidential way, in case no one knows about me, but that is sincere and honest?

Be yourself, Jamie.  How do I communicate best? How do I best express myself?

Writing, obviously. I’m a mess when it comes to actually talking about something. Voicemails…even worse. I was so glad when message systems came out with the, “delete and re-record your message” option. Changed my life. I don’t just function well verbally when I’m put on the spot in my personal life. Professionally, I’m great…when things go crazy at work, or I have to make a quick decision, I’m always right there with an answer and just the right information. Again, I digress.

So now, I know what I am going to write. I know how I will present it. I know the media that I will use to send the information.

The idea of actually putting pen on paper, or even picking up the pen for that matter, is a different story.

The fears are paper tigers…but damn, paper cuts can really hurt, you know?!

As soon as I figure out how to pick my pen up, I’ll show you what I write, and how I’m sending it. Right now, looking down at my desk, where that pen currently sits…I’m pretty sure it might bite my finger if I reach for it. I’m going to leave it be, for now.

My goal is Monday. Keep checking back. Until then…thank you so much to Search Quest America, (who you can find, here) and to Susan, who has completely guided me through the (insanely quick) process. I wish I had known about you sooner!

If you’re catching up, you can find my whole adoption story leading up to this post, here.

Have an amazing Thursday, and remember…you never know what the next breath you take may bring you.

Enjoy the journey.

22 Comments to “Unexpected”

  1. Oh my goodness!!! How exciting! I will never forget the moment that I opened the first email from a search angel and the first one from my son. The moment I found out that he was indeed alive ~ as well as healthy and happy… makes my heart skip a beat just remembering…

    I am so happy for you ~ get ready for the roller-coaster ride of your life! I wish you all the best in this journey of reunion.

  2. I’m so happy that you were able to find her so quickly. I look forward to seeing how it all unravels!

  3. I can only say. Don’t hessitate. Like you say write from your heart, and be honest. At least you have the chance to ask her. I’ll never get the chance unfortunately, and it would have been to late since my birth mother died when I was not even two years old. All the best with writing and the contact. I’m, still hoping to get in touch with my biological father, but given his age, I might be too late there as well. All the best wishes for your (I hope) re-union, and if not at least you tried.

  4. LOVE! I am so excited for you! I can’t wait to hear the rest. It is such a whirlwind of emotions, excitement and love. I wish you every happiness in your reunion!

    much love!

  5. Just catching up on posts…Wow! What a story! I wish you all the best! You are such a sweet person and I hope everything works out for you! 🙂

  6. What an amazing story, so happy for you. I am a firstmom who has been in reunion for just 13 months, my life could not be better.

  7. WOW Your story gets better and better!!!! Congrats to you!!! And yes, i DO know how you feel… although I did not have a third person (your “Susan”) send me the info.. i found my Gram’s.. had the phone number in front of me… and my heart told me what to do; i just HAD to call… something just told me it was right.. and better to call than to write… and i then knew why. IT all became clear as soon as i called; just an hour after I found the number!! LOL!!! But i, too, will leave you hanging, only because I have GOT to get dressed for dinner and head to afriend’s house… 🙂 I will continue later!!!! i promise!! (HAve you had time to read my story? Even if you have, this little story i will tell you really isn’t in there… 😉
    TTYL,
    Ellie

  8. You are in my prayers through this journey Jamie!!

  9. I am so glad she was found so quickly. I pray she will have the same courage and compassion you have and is able to welcome you back into her life.

  10. Wow, after all this time, she is at your fingertips…! I am sooo excited for you. And hope it will give you answers… and will be the contact you are hoping for. I believe, like you, that writing is a great medium for contact. You express yourself so wonderfully there. It also allows “her” to recover from the shock of contact and compose a well thought out response when she is ready. Other forms of contact can follow when you are both prepared. My prayers are with you.

  11. How amazing!! I think that since you found her so fast this time and how everything is falling into place almost, a letter is in order!

    So excited!

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