Mirror, Mirror – A Mystery Guest Post

Two Thursdays ago, was a pretty regular day.  Work, run home for lunch, let the dogs out, and enjoy some patio time.  The norm, really.

The mailman stopped by at lunch.  “This isn’t yours, is it?” referring to a Talbots package addressed to the woman who used to live here.  I responded, “Nope, can you still forward it, or do you want me to track her down? I think I still have her new address.”  “Nope, I’ll get it forwarded,” he said while he handed me the rest of the mail.  I didn’t even have a chance to go back into the house, I just dropped the mail in the garage by the door and went back to work.  I never even looked at what was in the stack.

After work, I poured a glass of wine, made a drink for the Hubby, changed into comfy clothes, and came back downstairs to figure out what to do for dinner.  The Hubby brought the mail in from the garage saying, “Did you mean to leave this out there?”  “Nope,” I responded.

Junk, junk, bill, bill, 20 catalogs, card addressed to me from one of my past clients.  “That’s sweet…very nice,” I thought. Some of them still keep in touch; send pictures of the kids, etc.  This client had just had her second baby last year, and I was looking forward to the picture.

I pulled the card out of the envelope and opened it.  “Awe, great picture.”  But then I thought, “wait, that’s not my client.”  I looked at the envelope – hmmmm.  Same first name, different last name.  So I read the card.  And then I read the card again…and then again.

All I had to do was read the first sentence, and I knew.  But I kept reading it, over and over…and looking at the picture.  And then I sat down in the chair, and held my chest and cried, and holy moly, I couldn’t breathe.  Crap, I really can’t breathe.  I got up, went back upstairs to find the Hubby, and all I could do was hand him the card with the picture and cry, and hold my chest.

Naturally, he thought someone had died.

I must have walked away, or been pacing, or trying to breathe, or something, because the Hubby had to come find me.

Hubby:  Wow, are you okay, is this what I think it is?

  The note inside was a little cryptic and I knew, I just knew why it was written that way.

Me:  It is.  She wrote it that way in case someone else read it who doesn’t know; isn’t that amazingly considerate?

Hubby:  What are you going to do?  Can I call you “grandma” now?

And my tears turned to laughing, he’s so good at that.

Me:  Very funny.  Aren’t they gorgeous?  Look at the picture.  She sounds okay, right?  I mean, not mad, not ready to punch me in the nose? I have to email her.

I thought I had to do it right away, because if it had been me, I’d be throwing up over the anxiety of not getting a response, or getting a scary response, and every day would get worse.

Hubby:  You sure you don’t want to give it the 24 hour rule?

That’s what we TRY to do when we have to respond to something that’s made us mad, or sad, or emotional, and we’re afraid we’ll say something stupid.  I think it applies in a business environment, and probably should as well in our personal lives, but in this case I couldn’t wait.  For my sake as well, if I’m going to be totally honest.

Me:  Nope.  I at least have to say “yes” I want to talk.  And try to let her know how amazingly brave I think she is.  I can’t imagine how hard this had to be for her.

I’m thinking at this point, that there could be no way she would know or believe that a day does not go by that I don’t think of her and hope and pray she has been ‘okay’.

I use that word a lot, “okay”.  I think because it implies just that:  Okay.  Not Great, not Oh-My-Gosh-The-Best-Ever. Just that under the circumstances, not horrible, not bad, not miserable.  Okay.

So I hit “send” after re-reading the very short and simple note, wondering if it was enough to say, or the right thing to say, or will she think I’m an idiot.

Finally, I thought, “Thank God I didn’t open the mail at lunch!”

And then it was my turn to wait for a response.

23 Comments to “Mirror, Mirror – A Mystery Guest Post”

  1. Oh my gosh! This is so awesome Jamie!!!

  2. Wow!!!! I am speechless! I’m so happy you have connected! I know this must be such an emotional rollercoaster for you right now. I’m sending warm thoughts and good vibes your way! 🙂

  3. I seriously LOVE this! I am so glad you are sharing it. It is emotional and awesome and can be so hard to find the right words for and you have done it beautifully! Much love to you and your new family 😉

    • Thank you so much Sarah…I can’t believe it all started with a simple question in an email from you! “Have you heard of Search Quest America?” : ) Thanks again!

  4. AMAZING! I got so teary reading this! At first I thought it was you, then got SO confused about the “grandma” comment. Amazing!

  5. Love this post! And I’m so excited for you!*

  6. James, I am in tears right now, thanks for sharing. Love you!!!

  7. Wow, what a good way to tell the story. I’m SO moved by it, as I’ll never have this chance. But I’m so happy you do, and that you took it and that she did as well.

    • Thank you Deborah! I’m so sorry your birth mother passed away. You still may have that chance with your birth father right? Is that even an option for you?

      • Well Jamie, I don’t know. In theory I do have the option, but he’ll be very old if he is alive (born in 1928), so I’m thinking it’s a very slim chance. I’m sort of hoping to find him of course but if not, some family at least. As you know I haven’t been succesful up till now.

        The really sad bit is that I have a biological sister (different father) in Berlin, who dosen’t want to be in touch.So it’s not really comming together for me as you can see. Thank you for your good wishes. I’m trying to keep up hope about him, and finding some information both on him, and about my mothers family.

  8. I got half way through this before I realized… something here isn’t quite right. Went back to the top and looked at the heading again… Ah, guest post. WOW. Even knowing in advance what was happening, this still surprised me. Her style is so much like your writing, Jamie… Luv ya, Dad.

  9. Amazing. *tears of happiness for all of you*

  10. Jamie we shared a couple e-mails, i told you that I had found my mom and we had two conversations and then silence on her end. Well I bought a card, didn’t mail it. My excuse was that I needed pictures of all my kids to send her. Then Thanksgiving Day came and I thought, let’s give it a try…I called, we talked for a while. It was a good thing, I will share with you more in an email if you like, but suffice it to say I realized that she was not talking with my half-sister who I had been putting off contacting so that mom could tell her about me herself. So I went ahead with the only contact information that I had and I Facebooked her. As of yet I haven’t heard back. Then I sent the card to my mom, pictures of all my kids and me in there too. I guess we’ll see what happens with my sister. Maybe she doesn’t want contact either, but writing to her I feel was good because I was able to tell her exactly what I wanted and how I felt. It’s up to her now. I’ll keep you posted on that as well. I am very happy for you Jamie! -Kat

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