Archive for December 9th, 2011

December 9, 2011

Judge for Yourself

In another post that should live on the blog, “Cue Jamie’s Randomness”, I give you…

…well…today’s post.

Today, I would like to write about (and hopefully have some discussion on) the idea of judgment. Please read on…I’m spinning something in the most positive way I can, and have really learned something from it.

The word judgment is defined as,

The ability to judge, make a decision, or form an opinion objectively, authoritatively, and wisely, especially in matters affecting action; good sense; discretion.

Moving forward with that, the word judgmental is defined as,

A person inclined to make judgments.

The other day, I was told by someone whose opinion I hold very dear to my heart, that over the past couple of years I have become, “extremely judgmental.”

At first, I had a really hard time with that comment…but as with many things, the initial negative feeling stemmed from my own baggage, and simply required some thought. In my late teens and early 20s, the idea of judgment, being judgmental, and being judged had very serious religious undertones which I allowed to keep me from truly considering the concept at all.

As I have lived, grown, and matured, I realize now that every concept in life needs attention…especially those that some people may tell you to stay away from.

So, I started to think about the comment towards me, as someone who is, “extremely judgmental.”

I thought about why it was being said. There is a lot of back story to that as well…but the bottom line is, it was being said because it is true. In definition alone, I say, “Thank you” to the comment. If I am a person inclined to make a decision, or form an opinion objectively, authoritatively, and wisely…then again I say, thank you. But…there is more to it than that.

Over the past few years, I have become…myself. The idea of Cue Cards plays a huge role in this…and in the formation of the “judgmental” side of me. There are thoughts and ideas I hold true and good in my life. These thoughts and ideas are benchmarks for who I am, who I want to share with others, and for the type of partner and mother I desire to be.

I wrote in a post about two months ago, “I am here to motivate, inspire and encourage you…and to make you laugh. To do that, I feel that it is important that you see me as a person; as a woman who laughs and cries, succeeds and fails, and as a woman who struggles with her own issues…on a daily journey toward joy.”  To be that writer, and to be fully myself, honesty is absolutely necessary.

So, here it is, my judgmental side.

  • While it can be extremely annoying at times, I am a positive, eternally optimistic person. If you are not, many of our conversations may be cut short. I simply cannot allow negativity to be a majority of what I listen to in a conversation. I am more than willing (and love ) to be there for a person in need because of their circumstances, sorrows and hardships. 

Judgment: A negative outlook on life is not a circumstance, it is a choice.

  • My all-time favorite quote is from the book, Cold Mountain, “Every piece of this is man’s bullshit. They call this war a cloud over the land, but they made the weather and then they stand in the rain and say, “Shit! Its rainin’!” 

Judgment: If you’ve created the ongoing drama, loneliness, or discord in your life, you are not a victim…you are a drama queen.

  • I was once told by an extremely well-educated American, who had spent time working in a very poverty stricken area of our world, “I know I was working in a third world situation, but I was there to help those people…so I still deserved the niceties that I have become accustomed to in my normal life, don’t you think? Think about what YOU would deserve over there.” I believe the “niceties” this person was referring to was either a working clothes dryer, or a toaster…I can’t remember.

Judgment: Entitlement is a sham. Whether or not I am educated, bright, beautiful, white, blue,yellow, female, male, heterosexual, homosexual, religious, left-sided, right-sided, or where I was born, offers no bearing on the idea that I deserve anything. I deserve what the poorest, least educated, most un-tolerated and overlooked human beings are offered in their daily lives.  Anything above and beyond that makes me richer, both in finance and in life…than the vast majority of humankind.

  • Convenience is killing us, and more importantly…it’s killing our children. Between technology, fast food and a growing aversion to the outdoors, the last 3 generations of mankind (specifically affluent mankind) has given its offspring a very interesting “gift.” Through all of this “comfort”, “ease”, “convenience” and “development”, we have given our children the gift of being the first ever generation that will, on average, not outlive their parents. 

Judgment: You do not have to be rich to cook yourself and your family clean, healthy food. You do not have an excuse for allowing your children to spend all their free time in front of the TV, video games or the computer. You are killing your brain by not going outside on a regular basis. Most things labeled, “quick” “easy” “fast” or “convenient” should  actually be labeled, “You are killing yourself with this product. Please use sparingly.” If you’re too busy to take care of your body through nutrition and exercise, then you are too busy. Make time.

  • Our minds, pretty much from day one, are attacked with images and ideas of a perfect life. Fairy Tales, romantic comedies, sitcoms, celebrities, advertisements…every form of media out there is teaching us to expect unrealistic expectations out of life…and that if we don’t get what we think we want…just get out and try again. Make sure to buy this product or hire that person to make life what it “should” be…and if that doesn’t work, there’s always another product. 

Judgment: Life is not a fairy tale, please don’t teach your children that it is. Teach them that life is hard, love is hard, patience is hard, commitment is hard, work is hard, school is hard…but that making it all work, through perseverance and hard work, is the true happily ever after…no matter how many mistakes are made along the way. Don’t compare your insides with other people’s outsides. We’re all flawed, broken and in need of support. Be kind to yourself, and to others.

The biggest part of finding myself over the past few years has been the active work of figuring out what I do not want in my life. I haven’t done all of that work to simply allow the things that I do not want in my life, to play a role in it. I actively seek to keep out the negative, be it a person, an attitude, a lifestyle of drama, a career, negative self talk, or the media-driven, sexually-charged, things are more important than people, I want it now..RIGHT NOW American culture in general. This active seeking could also be labeled as…judgmental.

That said, I do not judge other people. I do not judge their choices as right or wrong, I simply know what I want for my own life. I judge situations, outlooks and attitudes pertaining to how they affect the desires of my heart. Is this selfish?

Maybe.

I am OK with that though.  Who will judge and care for my life, if not me? Most of us can form judgments and give great advice to our friends and loved ones…but very few of us can form those judgments and take that same advice ourselves. Why is that? I think it stems from the fear of rejection from those around us.

I’m here to tell you that the fear is simply an often-times unresearched hypothesis. Test it. Take a census of your life, decide what is good in it, what serves a positive purpose…and make those things a priority. Everything else: either figure out a way to put a positive spin on it, or get rid of it.

Judge for yourself what you want in your life. Happiness is not going to fall into your lap…but it is not out of reach. Actively seek out the desires of your heart, and have faith in the outcome of that work.

Life is short.

Cue Your Life

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